


Home is where the heart is (home is where the hyungs are)

by plantago



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, as usual, the hyungs all love Changkyunie so much basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-06 14:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantago/pseuds/plantago
Summary: Lim Changkyun knows that his hyungs love him. It's just that sometimes, doubt about his place in the group slips into his thoughts like a dark cloud.Luckily for him, his hyungs always know how to bring the sun back out.





	1. Home is...

Lim Changkyun knows that his hyungs love him. He knows that all of the love and affection he is showered with is real. Hyungwon’s sleepy hugs, Minhyuk’s cuddle attacks, and Hoseok’s playful teasing show him that he is loved. Jooheon’s encouragement, Kihyun’s mothering, and Hyunwoo’s reassuring eye smiles are all real, and all help to ease Changkyun’s lingering fears of being a disappointment to the group.

Lim Changkyun knows that his hyungs love him. Most of the time. There are still moments when tendrils of doubt sneak into Changkyun’s mind, telling him that the group would be better without him; would be more successful if he wasn't there holding them back. At times like these, Changkyun tends to retreat into the recesses of his own treacherous mind, reduced to a shadowed version of himself.

 

The other members of Monsta X can always tell when Changkyun slips away into a world of his own, overcome with self-doubt and loathing. They don’t always have time to gather as seven to show their maknae just how important he is to them, but they always make him feel better in their own ways.


	2. 1.

Jooheon realizes that Changkyun is in a bad mood when he suddenly throws his pen across the room as they’re composing together. Jooheon startles at the sudden motion and the clatter of the pen hitting the wall. Changkyun is sitting still in his chair, his back hunched over, looking like he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. He gazes at his empty hands blankley, making no move to go get the pen. Jooheon stands, cracks his sore back, and retrieves the pen, placing it in the younger’s open palms. Only then does Changkyun look up, meeting Jooheon’s eyes for just a second before averting his gaze.

“Sorry, hyung,” he mumbles, slowly shutting his eyes and letting his head fall forward.

“It’s ok, dongsaeng,” Jooheon replies as he sits back down in the hard plastic chair. He studies Changkyun’s defeated posture for a moment before he reaches out to put a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. “Do you want to take a break and get ice cream? Hyung will buy it.”

Changkyun glances up at the mention of free sweets with a spark in his eyes, but it is quickly snuffed out, and he returns his gaze to the floor. “I have to work on this song,” he says quietly.

Jooheon hears how Changkyun’s voice cracks pitifully on the last word and bites his lip in concern. “Come on Changkyunie, come get ice cream with hyungie,” he says in the most cringe-worthy aegyo voice he can produce. He makes an equally cringey face and outstretches a hand to the shorter boy.

Changkyun snorts and takes Jooheon’s hand, letting himself be pulled up. Jooheon grins and squeezes Changkyun’s hand.

The later rolls his eyes with small smile on his lips. “Just so you know, I’m not going with you just because of the aegyo. It was terrible.”

Jooheon laughs and pulls Changkyun to the door, grabbing his wallet on the way. “You know you love it, Changkyunie,” he sing songs, swinging their interlocked hands between them as they walk down the hall.

He turns to look at the younger’s face when he doesn’t respond. His eyebrows are pulled together in concentration and his cheeks are puffed out. Jooheon is about to ask what’s wrong when Changkyun releases a breath and says (in what Jooheon is pretty sure is the cutest voice he’s ever heard,) “I just can’t decide which ice cream flavour to get.”

Jooheon releases his own sigh, relieved, and tugs Changkyun’s hand to get him walking again. “You can get as many flavours as you want,” he says, immediately regretting it when Changkyun’s eyes light up.

“We could buy the entire store, hyung,” Changkyun gasps, skipping ahead of Jooheon to take the lead.

Jooheon pre-mourns for his bank account, but seeing Changkyun so happy makes everything worth it.


	3. 2.

Hyungwon’s sleep is rudely interrupted by someone’s sniffeling. He huffs an annoyed sigh and rolls onto his other side, waiting for the perpetrator to just give up and blow their nose.

They don’t.

After what feels like ten years of lying still on his back and listening to the snuffles, Hyungwon climbs down from his bunk and grabs the box of tissues on the dresser, aided by the soft light filtering into the room from the window. He quickly asses that the soft noises are coming from Changkyun’s bunk and stands on his tippy toes to peek over the edge. He can’t see Changkyun, seeing as how the younger boy is burrowed so far into his blankets. Changkyun shifts a bit, and the top of his head becomes visible to Hyungwon. Hyungwon shoves the box onto the narrow bed and nudges it into Changkyun’s head. Changkyun pulls down the blankets a little, still sniffling, and peers at Hyungwon. Hyungwon’s first reaction is to smile fondly at Changkyun’s ridiculous bed head. It’s only as he’s pushing the tissue box in Changkyun’s direction again that he realizes that Changkyun’s face is streaked with tears.

Hyungwon blinks in surprise before clambering up the ladder to Changkyun’s bunk, silently lamenting his loss of sleep. It’s ok though, he thinks as he pulls Changkyun’s shaking body into his arms, because he’d rather make sure his beloved dongsaeng is ok than sleep. As crazy as that sounds.

Hyungwon repeatedly smooths a hand through Changkyun’s hair and down his back as his shirt is soaked through with the younger boy’s tears. He gently hushes Changkyun, and whispers sweet nothings into his ear.

Despite resisting Hyungwon when he first climbed into his bed, Changkyun has since wrapped himself around the older, clinging to him for all he’s worth.

Hyungwon presses kiss after kiss to Changkyun’s temples and hair as he tries to calm the maknae down. He settles for just rubbing Changkyun’s back as he buries his face into the smaller boy’s messy hair.

Eventually, Changkyun’s soft sobs subside, and Hyungwon pulls the warm, pliant body into his lap. He continues stroking Changkyun’s back as he lowers them into a more horizontal position.

“It’s ok, baby, hyung’s here now. It’s ok,” Hyungwon murmurs. He feels Changkyun nestle even closer to him in response.

Hyungwon runs his fingers through Changkyun’s hair until he feels the younger’s breathing even out in sleep. He closes his own eyes and wraps his free arm around the smaller body before he falls asleep, lulled into a world of sweet dreams by the soft breaths gracing his collarbone.


	4. 3.

Kihyun is just setting the pot of steaming rice onto the table when he realizes that someone is missing from the kitchen. He glances around the table as he removes the pot holders from his hands, and is surprised that it’s Changkyun who’s missing instead of Hyungwon. Changkyun is usually easy to wake up in the morning, so the fact that he isn’t present is worrying. Kihyun announces that he’s going to retrieve the missing boy and heads down the narrow hall to their shared room.

“Changkyunie,” Kihyun gently says as he walks into the room. Sunlight streams through the open window, accompanied by a soft breeze that ruffles Kihyun’s hair. The only response to Kihyun’s query is a quiet groan from Changkyun’s bunk.

Kihyun climbs up half of the rungs to the bed and nudges at what he’s pretty sure is Changkyun’s leg.

“Wake up, maknae. How are you feeling? Are you sick?” Kihyun asks as he pulls the light blanket away from the youngest member’s face. He already has a hand pressed to Changkyun’s forehead when he gets a good look at the maknae’s face. He has huge dark circles underneath his dull eyes, and his lips are pale and dry. Kihyun makes a soft noise of exclamation.

“I’m not sick, hyung. I’m just tired,” Changkyun protests as Kihyun’s hands fly back to his face. He closes his eyes and leans into the contact. “I’ll get up now. I just didn’t hear you earlier, sorry,” he apologizes, pushing himself up.

Kihyun hops down from the ladder and goes back to the kitchen, wringing his hands anxiously. Changkyun might not be sick, but something is definitely up. Hyunwoo and Hoseok notice his nervous posture right away and ask if Changkyun is alright. He replies that he honestly doesn’t know.

Changkyun shuffles into the kitchen, his head down and his hands buried in the pockets of a hoodie that Kihyun’s pretty sure is Hyunwoo’s. He sits down at the table and starts slowly eating his stew, focusing only on his food.

Kihyun makes eye contact with Hyunwoo and Hoseok, who have also concluded that something is wrong.

“Uh... Changkyun,” Hyunwoo starts slowly, “you look tired, and we just have dance practice today, so I want you to stay home and rest up.”

Changkyun visibly flinches at Hyunwoo’s words and looks up, stricken, with a slightly wild look in his eyes.

“No, I can go to practice I’m fine, please hyung, it’s ok, I’ll be fine, I won’t mess up, I promi-”

“Maknae,” Hoseok interrupts him, “stay here today. We just don’t want you to get sick or hurt. Someone can stay with you, right?” He looks at Hyunwoo, who looks at Kihyun, who’s been looking on edge ever since he discovered that Changkyun wasn’t in the kitchen.

“Yeah, Kihyun, would you mind staying with Changkyun today?” Hyunwoo asks.

Kihyun responds with a “yes” that probably sounds too desperate, but he can’t find it in himself to care.

Changkyun turns his burning stare to the table.

The group finishes eating and the members who have practice leave. Changkyun walks slowly into the living room and collapses onto the couch. Kihyun watches him as he cleans up from breakfast. He’s putting a kettle of water on the stove when he hears Changkyun’s choked sob. He’s hugging a pillow to his chest, so Kihyun can’t see his face, but he can see the tension in his body.

Kihyun sits down next to Changkyun and pets his hair. “Come have tea with me,” he directs, putting an arm around Changkyun’s shoulders and helping him sit up. When Changkyun is fully upright, Kihyun grabs a tissue and wipes the tears from his face. He holds Changkyun’s hand in his and brings him to the kitchen. He gets out two mugs and the best tea that they have, and sits next to Changkyun, who has nestled his face into his elbows. Kihyun rubs his back until the kettle whistles. He pours the steaming water for both of them and sits in the chair next to Changkyun’s.

“Sweet heart, can you talk to me? Can you tell me what’s wrong?” he asks, concern obvious in his wavering voice. Changkyun shakes his head and curls up further into the chair. “Please, Kyunie, I want to help you. Please tell me,” he practically begs.

Changkyun probably hears the pain in Kihyun’s voice, because he removes his face from his arms and sits up, wiping away tears on his sleeves.

He looks up at Kihyun and says, in the saddest and most desperate voice kihyun has ever heard, “do you love me, hyung?”

Kihyun’s heart breaks. He pulls the younger boy to his chest and reassures him that he is loved. They’re both tearful messes clinging onto each other for the next few minutes until they calm down enough to separate. Kihyun keeps his grip on Changkyun’s hand as if he’s afraid he’ll disappear.

“Drink the tea,” Kihyun instructs, wiping his nose on a napkin. “We need to talk.”

That day, the two young men go through three mugs each of the finest tea available, and talk about everything in the world for hours, holding hands all the while.

The others arrive home to see them cuddled up on the couch under a fluffy blanket. Changkyun is asleep against Kihyun’s chest, and Kihyun strokes his hair, looking down at him lovingly. The returning boys smile and coo at them and disperse. Kihyun rolls his eyes fondly and tightens his arms around his precious maknae.


	5. 4.

Minhyuk slides his (blessedly) dry feet out of his soaked lady bug rain boots and stuffs them into his indoor slippers, grateful to be back inside where it’s warm and dry. He rubs his hands on his arms in a futile attempt to warm up a bit, and walks into the dorm. He grabs a soft blanket from his bed and wanders back out into the living room, planning on watching a few episodes of a new drama starring EXO’s Suho.

Waltzing into the carpeted room with his blanket around his shoulders like a cape, Minhyuk sees Changkyun laying face-down on the floor. Taken aback, he walks over to the younger boy and gently nudges his arm with his foot.

Changkyun responds by turning his head toward Minhyuk and groaning pitifully.

Minhyuk laughs quietly and plops down next to him, mentally changing his plans for the rest of the day.

“Play some video games with me, maknae,” he demands, scooting forward to turn on the television.

“Don’ wanna...” he hears Changkyun mumble from behind him. He drums his fingers on the floor pensively.

“Of course you wanna,” he responds lightly, in great contrast to the worry he’s filled with on the inside, “I’m even letting you pick the game.”

Changkyun just groans again. Minhyuk hums and grabs MarioKart from the shelf.

“You took too long so we’re playing MarioKart, ok? You can choose the route we use.” He taps Changkyun’s foot three times before grabbing two controllers and crab-walking back to his earlier location with them balanced precariously on his stomach.

Changkyun laughs and reaches out as if to push Minhyuk over. Minhyuk dramatically flops to the floor, moaning about attempted murder.

“Just get up,” Changkyun giggles, “If I’m gonna beat your ass on the Rainbow Road I want to know that you were at least trying your best, even though you still got crushed.”

“You little turd!” Minhyuk screeches, launching himself from the ground to fall heavily on the couch, “You’re so gonna regret saying that when it’s you who comes in last!”

“You wish, hyung!” Changkyun replies cheekily, selecting the game level and his character.

Minhyuk chooses his character and car and hunches down with his shoulders scrunched up. He rolls his neck as the screen counts down, and presses the “drive” button on the remote. He makes sure that his car noises are extra ridiculous throughout the game.

When Changkyun wins (which was honestly expected, because Minhyuk sucks at the Rainbow Road), Minhyuk just rolls his eyes and shoves him lightly, demanding a rematch.


	6. 5.

Hoseok takes his ending pose, breathing heavily. The last notes of the song fade into the hot, damp air of the practice room, and everyone, even Hyunwoo, collapses on the floor. After taking a few minutes to calm his breathing down, Hyunwoo announces that it’s time to head back to the dorm. Minhyuk cheers and demands to be carried. Hyunwoo rolls his eyes but obliges. The two of them leave, followed closely by Jooheon, who looks like he might fall asleep on the way to the van, and Kihyun, who doesn’t look much better. Hyungwon ambles out after them after digging a sleeping mask out of the mess that is his backpack.

Hoseok walks over to his bag and takes out his water bottle. He notes with a laugh that even the bottle is sweating. As he gulps down the lukewarm water (he doesn’t even care that it’s gross, he just needs water so badly), he notices a weary looking Changkyun leaning against the wall mirror on the other side of the room. Placing the capped bottle back into his bag, Hoseok walks over to the other boy and taps his arm.

“You should drink,” he says, wrinkling his nose at the sweat drenching both his and Changkyun’s shirts.

Changkyun complies to his hyung’s suggestion and retrieves his own water bottle, sipping from it in a slower pace (and much more civilized fashion) than Hoseok.

Hoseok slings his bag over his shoulder and waits for Changkyun to finish drinking. When Changkyun replaces his water bottle in his bag but doesn’t pick the bag up, Hoseok raises an eyebrow.

Changkyun glances at him and shrugs, “I’m having a hard time with this choreography, I’m staying behind to work on it. Can you tell Hyunwoo?”

Hoseok rubs the back of his head, wincing at the disgusting feeling of cooling sweat on his hand. He really wants to go home to shower and sleep. But at the same time, Changkyun has started dancing again, and looks like he might cry of frustration.

Sighing, Hoseok drops his bag to the floor and crosses his arms, watching the younger boy dance. He’s not bad, he’s just missing a few basic concepts, and a few of his spins are messy.

The music ends again, and Hoseok pauses the computer before the song can restart. Changkyun looks up at Hoseok with a question in his eyes.

Hoseok shrugs and gives him a tired yet encouraging smile, “I decided to stay back as well.”

Changkyun looks away and nods, getting back into his starting position. When Hoseok doesn’t start the music, he looks up again.

“Can you dance for me without the music? There are some things I think we should go over more slowly,” Hoseok explains. Changkyun’s face freezes in a grimace before becoming entirely devoid of emotion. He nods and turns back around.

They dance together for two hours, with Hoseok explaining the details of Changkyun’s trouble spots until his choreography is much smoother.

“There you go!” Hoseok exclaims proudly after watching Changkyun run through the dance perfectly, “I knew you could do it!”

Changkyun’s lips quirk up in a short lived smile, “yeah, hyung. Thanks.” He looks at the ground. “You can go home, I’ll just keep running this through for a little bit.”

Hoseok frowns at his dongsaeng. “No, let’s go home together. You’ve worked really hard today and your improvement was crazy.” He grabs Changkyun’s wrist and tries to walk over to their bags.

Tries to.

Changkyun rips his wrist out of Hoseok’s grasp and glares at him, fire in his eyes.

“You don’t need to say crap like that, hyung. I know I suck at dancing, ok? I know that I’ll never be as good as you or Hyunwoo-hyung or even Jooheon-hyung so you don’t need to baby me like that!” He yells, furious, “I need to work on it. I need to work on it.”

His voice cracks on the last sentence.

“I need to... I-I need...” Changkyun tapers off as tears start to flow down his face.

Hoseok stands still, stricken.

He is jolted into motion when Changkyun starts sobbing, fists pressed to his eyes.

Hoseok strides over and wraps his arms around Changkyun, who weakly tries to shake him off. Hoseok doesn’t let go, and stands with his arms firmly around Changkyun until his sobs turn into quiet whimpers.

“Changkyunie...” Hoseok starts, not quite knowing what to say, but knowing that something must be said. “Kkukkungie, baby... hyung is sorry. I wasn’t just saying that because I wanted to go home. You’re a good dancer. And it’s true, you’ve improved so much over the last few hours. Heck, you’ve grown so much as a dancer, and even as a rapper and a person since we debuted. I really admire your perseverance. In everything, not just dancing. We all do. You’re better than me and Hyunwoo-hyung and Jooheon in a lot of stuff, right? We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. You’re a fantastic rapper and composer and producer. You’re the one who’s written some of my favorite songs of ours. You’re so important to our group, to our family, Kkukkungie. Please don’t base your opinion of yourself on how you think you dance. You mean so much to us. Do you understand?” He looks at Changkyun imploringly.

Changkyun is looking up at him with wide, wet eyes. He nods with a watery smile and buries his face in Hoseok’s chest. Hoseok nuzzles his head into Changkyun’s hair.

They separate after an indeterminable amount of time spent just enjoying the other’s embrace.

Changkyun’s eyes are still red and teary as they leave the practice room.

“I never knew you were that sentimental, hyung,” he teases as Hoseok flips the light switch.

“Shut up, maknae,” Hoseok responds, slightly embarrassed at his long winded speech, but more glad that he got his message across. “We love you, and I just wanted you to understand.”

Changkyun elbows him as he walks out of the door. “So cheesy...”

“Let me live...” Hoseok groans as he follows Changkyun out of the dark room. “Want to go get food?” he asks as an afterthought. Dinner at the dorm is probably long over, and Hoseok figures that he and Changkyun deserve a cheese burger.

“Heck yeah!” Changkyun cheers, pumping his fist. “And hyung’s paying!”

“Fine. Let’s go,” Hoseok rolls his eyes at the younger fondly and ruffles his hair as they walk down the dimly lit hall of the company building.


	7. 6.

Hyunwoo head counts his members one last time before turning around to exit the plane. They’re at a busy airport, and anything could happen. Hyunwoo’s job is to make sure that everyone gets to the hotel safely.

Moments like this are the worst part of being the leader, he thinks. Not only does he have to watch out for himself, he also has to keep track of six other young men.

Hyunwoo steps into the air conditioned room, adjusting his backpack. He waits until his other members have all passed him before moving again. He grabs a slowly moving Hyungwon’s arm and drags him along in order to keep up with the rest of the group. The poor kid is always hit the hardest by jet lag.

The boys swiftly pass through security, and are close to the exit when Hoseok suddenly announces that he has to use the bathroom. Hyunwoo checks his watch and sighs, gesturing for him to go. Kihyun and Minhyuk accompany him.

Jooheon and Hyungwon look up at Hyunwoo with puppy dog eyes and beg to buy smoothies at a nearby stand. Hyunwoo sighs and gives them each a few dollars (the kids are already way too cute, and when they turn on those pleading eyes they’re unstoppable).

He turns to Changkyun, expecting that he’ll want something as well, but notices that the boy is staring at a world map on the wall with a blank look on his face. He doesn’t even seem to realize that most of the group has left.

Hyunwoo twiddles with his backpack straps anxiously. He just wants all of his boys to come back.

Minhyuk, Kihyun, and Hoseok arrive back at the same time as Jooheon and Hyungwon, and there’s an immediate flurry of activity. Minhyuk shouts that he wants a smoothy, and is quickly hushed by a mortified looking Kihyun.

“We are idols,” he whisper-shouts, “no screaming in the airport!”

It turns out that Kihyun would also like a smoothie, and according to Hyungwon, they’re really amazing (“Hoseok, you’ll finally fall in love with something other than your reflection! That’s how fantastic they are, hyung”).

So they head back over to the smoothie shop as a group to get drinks for the rest of the members (Hoseok whines that his self-inflicted diet doesn’t allow for smoothies and sulkily orders a tea). Hyunwoo really wishes that Hyungwon had kept his mouth shut about the drinks when he sees their costs on the menu. He’s just opening up his wallet to pay for everyone’s orders when he realizes two things.

One, that there’s a less expensive drink vendor right down the hall, and two, Changkyun hasn’t ordered anything.

Hyunwoo turns around to ask Changkyun if he’s sure he doesn’t want a drink when he realizes a third thing.

Changkyun is missing.

He does a quick head count of the boys surrounding him. Six, including himself. His heart rate increases as he looks around the room. It’s crowded with people and he can’t see Changkyun.

Hyunwoo shoves his wallet into Hoseok’s hands and strides away from the group, eyes darting around the room frantically.

He walks around the different vendors and checks the bathrooms. He doesn’t find Changkyun. He checks baggage claim just in case Changkyun might have decided to get his luggage. He doesn’t find Changkyun.

Hyunwoo is power walking down the hallway leading back to the room where he left the other boys, fueled by pure panic, when he sees the commotion.

A group of around thirty people, all armed with cameras, are gathered by a world map on the wall. Hyunwoo gasps, recognising the map as the one Changkyun was looking at earlier. He pushes through the crowd, using his height and muscular build to his advantage.

When he reaches the front, he sees that Changkyun, who looks absolutely lost and terrified, is the object of the crowd’s fascination.

He locks eyes with Changkyun and rushes over to him. He itches to wrap his arms around the younger boy’s smaller frame, but refrains himself because they’re in public. He settles for putting one arm around Changkyun’s shaking shoulders and running his other hand up and down Changkyun’s arm.

He swiftly ushers Changkyun forward and pushes through the paparazzi, intent on reaching the rest of the group.

They find each other soon enough, and leave the building together. Without any verbal communication, the older boys form a protective buffer between the youngest member and the outside world.

They pile into the van and drive off to their hotel. Hyungwon sits in the front at Hyunwoo’s request, allowing Hyunwoo to sit next to a visibly shaken Changkyun. He’s explaining what happened to Hyunwoo, tripping over words in his eagerness.

“-and I looked up and, and you guys were gone and I thought you had left me and I didn’t know what to do and I asked someone for help but I guess she knew who I was because she started taking pictures of me and I kept asking if anyone had seen where you went but, but no one was responding to me. I felt like an animal in a zoo,” Changkyun is saying tearfully. His face is red with embarrassment and lingering fear.

Hyunwoo feels absolutely terrible.

“I’m so sorry, maknae,” he says quietly, taking Changkyun’s hand into his own, “it’s my fault. We’d never leave you though, you know that? Never. I’m so, so sorry.”

Changkyun quickly forgives him in exchange for one of the legendary smoothies on the trip home. Hyunwoo gives him a relieved and loving smile, and complies to Changkyun’s request.

He would give the maknae the world if he asked for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done with the story! Are you guys ready for Thursday's intense (and really long) chapter? (I'm not updating tomorrow because of work, sorry!)  
> Thank you so much for reading!


	8. ...Where the hyungs are

Changkyun shuts the dresser drawer with a little bit more force than necessary. It would be an understatement to say that he’s upset. All of the members were supposed to have a week long break to go home starting today, but their manager just called Hyunwoo saying that the break is cancelled.

He takes a deep breath and goes out to the living room. In his phone call with the leader, their manager had asked the group to start practicing their new choreography more. Changkyun supposes that he should be grateful that he has nothing to do all week but practice vocals and dance, but he’d much rather be home with his family, whom he hasn’t seen in months.

Changkyun is the first member to finish unpacking, so he slumps on the worn couch in the living room to wait for the others. A few minutes later, he feels the couch dip next to him.

“This sucks, huh?” Hoseok asks, stretching his legs out.

Changkyun agrees. This does suck.

The rest of the members finish putting their belongings back in place, and they leave for the practice rooms as a group.

They have dance practice in the morning, and Hyungwon, amazed at Changkyun’s improvement, asks him to stay behind after vocal practice to help him with his dancing. Hoseok catches his eye and winks. Blushing and elated, Changkyun happily agrees to help his hyung.

Toward the end of their planned dancing time, Changkyun finishes his water bottle. He knows that he’ll suffer later if he doesn’t have water, so he excuses himself to go refill it during a break. On his way back from the refilling station, he struggles to cap his bottle. It’s new, and he’s still figuring out how it works. He is so involved in not spilling his water that he almost walks into the manager. Mortified, Changkyun apologises profusely. The manager just laughs it off, and tells him that he was just on his way to tell the boys to go to vocal practice. He walks with Changkyun back to the practice room, but stops him shortly before they arrive at the door.

“I know that it might seem pretty early for this, but the CEO wants you to start writing music for Monsta X’s next come back. You’re still producing with Jooheon as well, right?”

Changkyun nods. Jooheon has been working with him to produce a duet rapping mixtape.

“Great,” the manager smiles, “I can’t wait for that, you two are so talented. It’ll be a hit.”

Changkyun looks down to hide his flustered smile, embarrassed at the complements. He manages a small “thanks,” with an obvious smile in his voice.

“Are you going to ask Jooheon to start writing music as well?” He asks.

“No,” manager says, much to Changkyun’s confusion, “CEO wants to have you be the main lyricist for this album. The fans love your songs and want to see more of your talent. That’s fine, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Changkyun agrees. This is what he’s longed for ever since he discovered that he wanted to be a musician. It’s the chance of a lifetime.

“Ok, great. Fantastic. Hey, I have a meeting right now, could you tell the boys to head to the vocal rooms?” Manager asks, glancing at his watch.

Changkyun nods at the manager’s back as he hurries away without waiting for a response.

The boys separate to go to their own vocal lessons. Changkyun dreads his own as he climbs a flight of stairs to his room’s floor. Recently, the CEO has asked Changkyun to practice his singing more. Changkyun supposes that that’s a good thing, because he doesn’t feel comfortable singing, and as an idol, he definitely should. That reasoning doesn’t make vocal lessons any more bearable. If anything, it makes them worse, because Changkyun always feels like he should be doing better. He knows he’s not a main vocalist of the group, but he still feels like he’s holding the group back with his current skill level. He vows to himself to practice singing on his own this week.

He steps into the room in a determined mood and begins warming up his vocal chords.

 

That night, as he’s preparing to head back to the dorm, he gets a text from Hyungwon asking Changkyun if he would mind helping him with the dance for an hour or so. Changkyun replies with a quick “yes :),” and turns around to drag his already sore body to another round of dance.

The extra practice passes slowly. Hyungwon has a hard time picking up the steps no matter how slowly or how many times Changkyun demonstrates them. Changkyun isn’t mad because he knows that his hyung has a lot of responsibilities on his plate.

That doesn’t stop Changkyun from being glad when Jooheon texts him reminding him to go to their shared studio.

Hyungwon thanks Changkyun for his help and asks him if he could continue the extra practice. Changkyun agrees when he sees the frustrated look on Hyungwon’s face, which he recognises from his own.

Producing that night is difficult. Changkyun just can’t get his pieces to sound right. Jooheon reassures him that it happens to the best of producers, so he shouldn’t feel bad about it. He still does.

At 11:35, when they wrap up, Changkyun declines an offer from Jooheon to drive home with the manager, and shuffles down the hall to his personal studio.

He sits with his lyric book and pen and waits for inspiration to hit him. He doesn’t feel inspired. All he feels is exhaustion. It’s been a really long day. He doodles little animals in the margins of his page, feeling himself slowly drift off.

Changkyun wakes up to Kihyun yelling at him for not coming home last night. Changkyun apologises, wincing at his stiff neck and sore shoulders.

“Sorry, hyung,” he says, voice still gravely from sleeping.

“It’s alright, we were just worried,” Kihyun explains. “Don’t do it again, ok?”

Changkyun promises to tell Hyunwoo if he’s not planning on going home in the future, and the two make their way to the dance studio.

The rest of the week passes in a similar manner. Changkyun wakes up at 5:00 with the rest of the group to go to dance practice, then vocal coaching, then extra dance with Hyungwon, then producing with Jooheon before returning to the vocal room to focus on fine tuning what he learned that day in the vocal lesson. Then it’s composing, and then finally, finally, it’s sneaking back into the dorm at 3:00 to take a short shower and fall asleep before his body even hits the mattress.

It’s not enjoyable in the least, but Changkyun supposes that he has it relatively easy for an idol.

The hyungs don’t comment on Changkyun’s new schedule other than reminding him to eat properly. He’s grateful to Jooheon for always bringing him food to eat while they produce. He doesn’t find a lot of time to eat in his new routine, just breakfast with the members and a light dinner with Jooheon. Changkyun doesn’t enjoy his new eating schedule either, but it’s a great way to make sure he doesn’t put on any extra weight.

 

Everything falls apart on Saturday afternoon during dance practice.

One second Changkyun is running through the choreography with the group (Hyungwon is doing much better), and the next he’s laying on the hard ground. His head is propped up on something warm, and he’s surrounded by blurry figures. He tries to speak to them, but his words come out a jumbled mess. It’s slightly worrying to Changkyun that he can’t seem to move his body, but the blinding pain in his head keeps him from really caring.

The next time Changkyun opens his eyes, he’s in a hospital bed.

He hisses quietly at the bright light in the room as his eyes flutter open. Slowly, he begins to be able to feel his body. And it is very, very unpleasant.

He hurts all over, but his head and left wrist hurt the most, both with deep, stabbing pains. He notices an IV in his right arm. It stings and itches. He turns his head to the right, happy that at least his vision is clear now, and is immediately met with Minhyuk’s sleeping face. His head is resting on Changkyun’s arm. Changkyun smiles at the sight.

“Minhyuk,” Changkyun says, voice hoarse. Minhyuk opens his eyes slowly, and gasps when he sees that Changkyun is awake.

“Changkyunie! You’re awake! How do you feel? What happened? Why? Are you ok? How’s your wrist?” Minhyuk asks, rapid fire.

“I-I’m ok, I guess,” Changkyun mutters, “where is everyone else?” “They’re getting food. I said I’d wait here and keep you company,” Minhyuk explains. Changkyun nods and looks at his hurting wrist. It has a red cast wrapped around it.

“What happened?” Changkyun asks, just as the missing members enter the room.

“What happened?” Kihyun repeats, his voice a mix of anger and concern, “you overworked yourself and didn’t eat or sleep nearly enough. You passed out during practice. You wouldn’t wake up. Do you know how worried we were? Can you imagine?”

Hyunwoo steps forward and puts a hand on Kihyun’s shoulder. “We were very worried about you. You need to take better care of yourself and let us help you more.”

Hoseok pets Changkyun’s hair. “What’s been going on recently? We noticed something was up, but we never thought you’d end up in the hospital. Hyungs want to help you. We want to be here for you.”

Changkyun meets Hoseok’s wet eyes and tears are brought to his own.

“I just-” he sniffs, glancing around the room at his other hyungs, “I’ve been under a lot of pressure recently, I guess.”

“Tell us about it. Please. You’re safe with hyungs,” Hyunwoo promises, sitting down on the side of Changkyun’s bed.

“It’s not even that bad,” Changkyun protests half-heartedly.

The older members glare pointedly at Changkyun.

Changkyun tells them everything. Starting with his disappointment about not being able to go home, and ending with waking up in the hospital. When he finishes, Jooheon takes his hand, tearfully berating Changkyun for not saying anything to the others.

The doctor soon comes into the room to release Changkyun. She warns the older boys to watch out for the maknae before signing the necessary forms allowing Changkyun to leave.

He is wheeled out to the van, as per hospital policy, and they head home.

Back at the dorm, Changkyun rests on the couch as Kihyun makes dinner. Hyungwon and Hyunwoo are also in the kitchen trying (and failing) to help with the meal preparation. Hoseok and Jooheon play video games on the floor in front of the couch, and Minhyuk leans over the couch’s back, playing with Changkyun’s hair.

After they eat, all seven of the boys end up on the living room floor, curled up in a mess of tangled limbs and soft blankets. The entire group has the next two days completely free for Changkyun to recover, so they’re watching a movie that Hoseok’s been begging to see. Changkyun sighs contentedly and shuffles closer to Hyunwoo. Kihyun scoots over to him and kisses his forehead.

“Do you want to go home for a few days? I’m sure that management would give you extra time off because of your wrist,” he suggests gently.

Changkyun thinks about how he’s been longing to see his parents and relax at his house. He thinks about his mom’s cooking and his dad’s cheerful whistling as he returns home in the afternoons. He’s made up his mind when he happens to glance down. He sees his wrist, in a cast that’s his favorite color, scrawled all over with doodles and signatures and lyrics. He thinks about the six men currently piled around him. He thinks about sleepy cuddles and relaxing mornings in the dorm.

Changkyun re-makes up his mind.

“No,” he smiles at Kihyun and the others, “I’m already home.”

(He’s met with a pillow to the face and a few mutterings of “that’s so cheesy, maknae”. The massive, six-person cuddle attack that immediately follows more than makes up for it.)

(Changkyun sleepily smiles at his slowly drifting off hyungs, relaxing further into their warm embraces. Home, he’s come to realize, is not a place. It’s his hyungs. They could be anywhere in the world, but as long as they were together, everything would be ok.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it!  
> Thanks for reading and enjoying :)
> 
> I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week :)

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've last posted, but school and work are very stressful this year :o  
> I hope you've enjoyed the latest installment of me projecting my angst onto my lovely maknaes (sorry maknaes!)


End file.
